Something I have been dealing with after my spouse came out as trans to family and friends is having my quality as a mother questioned. Some actually told me that I am a bad mother for having a trans spouse–or at least because I have not left Jen over it. Some actually think that I would be a better mother if I tore our family apart and left.
I think the thing that annoys me the most about people saying I am a bad mom is when I hear about the really horrid parents on the news. It seems like almost every week I see a few stories in the news about parents doing some of the most horrid and scary things to their children!!! Now I am not saying I am perfect. But I am also not abusing my kids, I am just staying with my trans partner. I really don’t think I should be labeled a bad mom for that. Plus it isn’t like I chose for all of this to happen. I am doing the best I can with what I have. Really that is all anyone can really ask of me.Some would say “no, we don’t want you to leave Billy! We just want Billy to stay as Billy!”
Well let me make this clear, Billy was very very depressed and hated life. He would never have been able to be there for our kids, let alone me, or provide well for them. Jen, however, actually puts effort into life and wants things to be better.
So pretty much what ended up happening was I had to choose between these two people. So, with the information that Jen and I had, we made the choice that we felt would be the best for our family. I know that most people don’t understand. I am not asking for that; I just want to be able to live my life without people questioning everything I do. Also I don’t think anyone really knows everything that we had been and are now dealing with. No one really understands just how much we did to try and keep away from transitioning and how much it hurt. Really this is pretty much plan Z.Sorry for the rant. This has just been a really sore spot for me and with the holidays approaching it hurts more. Mostly because it has been family who have said a lot of mean things and now they want to smile and pretend that they never said these things just so that they can have their perfect holidays. I know I may never get an apology. But I also hate that these people feel like they can just pretend that they never did these things and if I go along with it then I may as well tell them that it is okay to treat me that way. Okay I’ll stop ranting now. I best go do some crafts now so that I can talk more about those later :).